This weekend I was speaking with a mental health clinician. She was young (mid 20’s), and petite. Her job is home visits and other transport and meetings with clients. She was telling me about two of her new clients that were assigned her. She told of how one of them touched her, and told her they should “hook up”. The other client calls and texts her and stalks her, on Facebook and other social media.
In the daily task of her job she must meet alone with clients, most of which are males, and all of which have a mental illness. She expressed concern over the physical threat that she faces every day. I suggested several options, and this is where it became interesting to me. All of her objections were based on her clothing. How she looked.
As with most women now a days, they were tight fitting clothes. Yes ladies you look good, and men like to see it. Men like yoga pants and tight shirts, low cut blouses etc. So this much you have accomplished. You want to look good, be seen and admired. But at what cost? At what point do you evaluate your whole lifestyle and come up with some sort of compromise. One of my suggestions was OC spray. She explained to me that with her tight fitting shirt and pants, that it would “bulge out and look like a tumor”. The same responce when asked about a gun, stun gun, and knife. For the purpose of this discussion we are going to completely ignor the topic of training. What we are looking at here is a womans decision that fashion over safety is acceptable.
My suggestion was very simple, adapt your clothing to accomodate some form of protection. This young lady is at high risk of physical assault every day, and yet she would rather have “that look” than compromise even a little to provide any form of protection for herself. This was very interesting to me psychologically. She completely understands the risk, and is not willing to adapt to overcome it.
Now we look at other women. The “average woman”. Lets define her as someone who’s daily job does not directly involve a high risk of physical assault. The statistics show that a woman is raped every 65 seconds in the United States. That does Not include physical assaults (battery, robbery, abuse, etc). The risk of physical assault on women is quite high. This is 2016 and violence against women is not getting any better. When you look around the streets, mall, shopping centers, sidewalks, etc, what you see is women with no protection. Most have placed fashion over personal safety.
It is not the womans fault for being assaulted. Lets make that clear. But lets also make clear the threat that women face every day, no matter what there job or where they live. I often here comments from women that “I’m always aware of my surroundings” “I never do this or that”. But the facts and statistics show that women are being victimized every day at an extremely high rate.
I deal with victims literally every day. I would guess 98% of them all said the same thing. That they “never imagined it would happen to them, and they never thought that person would do that”. The other 2% are the ones that stay in a physically abusive relationship and completly expect it over and over. But most women do not expect to be hurt today.
Women need to have a form of protection on them at all times and in all places. (the obvious excluded; court houses, etc.) The issue is, that women want to be admired, looked at and wanted. Women like personal notice and attention. However the savages in our society notice these women first, and target them for those same reasons. Again, I will reiterate that it is not the womans fault for looking attractive and being attacked. I’m simply stating that this is the paradigm.
In todays society, women need more than “street smarts”, friends, and awareness to be safe on our streets. Although these and many other things can contribute to lower your chances of assault, it does not eliminate it. Can women find a solution that fits their desires and lifestyle and have protection too? I believe they can. It is just a matter of making a personal decision to do so.
Men also have a simular issue. Men will do things and intentionally put themselves into dangerous situations. Men like the “rush”. Whether it be fighting at the bar, skydiving, or driving crazy, men also willingly compromise their saftey at will.
There is a part in each of our brains that will at times take over logic and deminish out decision making abilities. We should all be aware of this, and do a manual override on it when we notice it. When that little voice in your head says “dont do it”, its most likely the logical part of your brain warning you.
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